I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize