I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
