I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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