well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
