At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just found puke in my bra..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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