You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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