Im at strip club and am horny
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
