You can't special order awesome
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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