White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So apparently I’m into choking now
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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