It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
