Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is Oprah even human
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
