i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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