Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
