atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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