1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
