Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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