too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
