my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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