Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
