she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
