I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
