I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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