I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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