As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
