I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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