I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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