I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Why is there bacon in the couch?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
