i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
