I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
