He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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