If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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