I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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