I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
