She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
