6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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