i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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