They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
