apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
