tell your sister to shave her snatch
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
