just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
