Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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