I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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