VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
