my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
