honey bunches of taint.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
