The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
