u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
