Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
