So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
