I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
