he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
