Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
