there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
