I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
