do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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