What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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