so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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