Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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