"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
