Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
