Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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