I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My dick has a subreddit
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
