so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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