Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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