Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
