so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
