his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
