I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
