Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
