with your own penis?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
