What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
