i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
