Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
