Me. At least after what I've been through.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
